


Found again

by SuperEllen



Series: Sabriel interpretation of season 13 [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: But I needed to write it!, During Canon, Episode: s13e17 The Thing, Everything else is Canon Compliant, F/M, Hurt Gabriel (Supernatural), Introspection, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker, Only Canon Divergence is during season 5, Protective Sam Winchester, Spoilers, i really don't know how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 19:12:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14267706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperEllen/pseuds/SuperEllen
Summary: Sam has lost almost everyone he’s ever cared about. But now one of his loved ones – his most beloved one – is back, and Sam doesn’t know what to think anymore.Sam’s thoughts and feelings during the last few minutes of episode 13x17The Thing.





	Found again

**Author's Note:**

> After watching episode 13x17 for the first time, my thought was: “OMG this is Sabriel shipping paradise! After watching all of that on-screen Destiel, I can’t believe I’m actually seeing Sam taking care of broken Gabriel, just like I read about in so many fan works!” Then, of course, I re-watched the last few minutes of the episode a few dozen times, and every time I was trying to figure out more about what Sam might have been thinking, if maybe the writers are trying to send us some Sabriel signal the same way they’ve been doing for years with Destiel. I ended up writing this.
> 
> The dialogue is taken entirely from the episode, except for the scene I added that wasn’t on camera.
> 
> I'm not using a beta and English is not my first language, so please don't hate me if this came out terrible! I really hope you'll enjoy reading it though. Kudos and comments will absolutely make my day! :)

* * *

**IN THE PAST**

* * *

In his life, Sam Winchester had lost more people than he could count. All of his loved ones were gone, all except for Dean and Castiel, who had still died a few times each anyway, and every time they’d always come back even more messed up than they already were. Everyone else? Permanently dead, or lost in a war zone dimension.

After Jess, the younger Winchester had vowed not to fall in love again. And yet he’d been stupid enough to think with his heart instead of his brain. So his heart got broken a few more times. Every time was more of the same: he started to care about someone, and then that person died. In Madison’s case, he had to kill her himself. In Ruby’s case, she’d turned evil before he killed her. And then Gabriel came along.

What could kill an archangel? Pretty much nothing. His heart was safe then, because there was no way it could get broken again. There was no way he could lose Gabriel too. Then, of course, came Lucifer, and Gabriel was lost to him as well. After that, he’d never really let himself love as much. If he’d lost his beloved archangel, there was no way he was ever going to get close to another fragile human being ever again. He’d had flings over the years, some of which mattered a lot to him, with Amelia he even thought that maybe there was another shot at love in his life after all.

It didn’t work out though. He had a chance at happiness, and he blew it. He did it because he was afraid to let go, afraid to have, once again, something to lose. He’d lost too much in the past, after all. His family, his friends. Jess. And Gabriel. Those two in particular kept haunting his dreams, memories of them appearing in his mind every time he tried to sleep. They’d been the ones he’d loved the most. And of course they were both dead because of him. Jess had been in the way, and Gabriel had only tried to protect him. Both lost, each of them leaving a hole in Sam’s heart. He would have given anything to see them again. To have them back. But he knew how impossible that was. He had already gotten them both killed.

With that thought in his mind, Sam Winchester kept living on and on, crying a little less every time he lost someone, until he got to the point that nothing could really hurt him anymore, because on the inside he was constantly trying to fight the pain away.

* * *

**PRESENT DAY**

* * *

Sam is walking down the stairs with Dean, laughing about the experience they’ve just had. Dean has gotten a little too close to becoming an interdimensional booty call, as he puts it. There was a time when Sam would have reacted differently to that entire situation, even when it was over. Now, however, he just smiles. It’s just yet another time one of them got close to death but didn’t die. Just another day at the office. And sometimes Sam wonders how he got to the point of not caring anymore about all of those close calls; well, at least not caring the same way he would have cared before.

The Seal of Solomon is in Sam’s hands, meaning that the list of ingredients to open up the portal is almost complete. All they need is the grace of an archangel, and the only archangel they can take it from is Lucifer. He knows it’s not going to be easy, but sure as hell the Devil has it coming. Grace extraction is painful, after all, and it’s nothing less than what Lucifer deserves, after everything that he has done.

While the two brothers talk about the fact that getting an archangel’s grace won’t be easy, Sam has a strange feeling, as if something is not the way it’s supposed to be. And, just to confirm his theory, a moment later Ketch appears in the war room from further inside the bunker. What the hell is he doing in there? He doesn’t make more than a step forward before both Sam and Dean have their guns pointed at him.

“Wait! I come in peace” Ketch starts to say, and Sam doesn’t believe a single word that’s coming out of his mouth. Because come on, that’s Ketch! When has he ever been trustworthy?

“Yeah, right!” the younger Winchester replies. There is no way he’s going to get fooled by that man, not again. He fell for his good-twin-evil-twin bullshit in the past, now there is nothing that man can say to make Sam think anything good about him.

“And I brought you a gift” Ketch continues. He moves a little, grabbing something that is located outside of their field of view.

Sam is prepared for pretty much anything. He can expect any kind of shit from Ketch, but there is no way he could have ever expected… _that_! The man is dragging someone along, helping the new person to sit down in one of the chairs around the table. This other man is filthy, dressed in ragged clothes, and he seems terrified. For less than a second, Sam is fighting internally between feeling disgust and pity towards the newcomer. Then he meets the man’s eyes and his heart drops to the floor.

There is no way he could ever confuse those eyes with anyone else’s. Those golden eyes are what made him fall in love in the first place, after all. And now they’re staring at him once again. But that’s not possible, it shouldn’t be possible. Gabriel is dead, another loved one Sam has lost throughout the years. Then how can he be there?

“Wait a second, is that…” Sam starts to say, because is brain is in tilt and he really needs a moment to catch his breath. He can’t believe that Gabriel is there, he can’t believe he’s really alive. He’s almost afraid to hope that what he’s seeing is true, that he can have his archangel back. After all, it could be a trick. Ketch still works for Asmodeus, and the Prince of Hell has powers he can’t even start to imagine. What he’s seeing can be an illusion, or a demon possessing Gabriel’s empty vessel, for all he knows.

“Is that Gabriel?” Dean asks, in disbelief as well. The fact that his brother is seeing the archangel as well means that at least Sam isn’t imagining things.

The older Winchester still has his gun pointed at Ketch, but Sam starts to lower his own. If the trembling man in front of him really is Gabriel, _his_ Gabriel, he doesn’t want to risk hurting him. He’s well aware of the fact that no bullet can harm an archangel, but he’s also sure that no archangel is supposed to look like _that_. Is it possible that Gabriel is human now? He can’t take that risk, but at the same time he can’t put his gun away either, because Ketch is still standing too close to Gabriel and Sam really wants to be ready to kill the British man, should he try anything against the archangel.

Ketch, however, doesn’t do anything. Gabriel keeps turning around, probably studying the place, maybe looking for an exit. He looks like a deer caught in the headlights of a car after losing a fight with a tiger. It seems like he’s thinking about running away, but he’s too hurt to even stand up. The archangel looks at both Sam and Dean for a moment, than turns to look away again. Does he even recognize who they are? No, there is no way the real Gabriel would not recognize _him_.

They’ve spent a lot of time together in the past, every time that Dean wasn’t around. They’ve had time to get to know each other, trust each other, _love_ each other. Sam still loves Gabriel as much as he did on the day the archangel died. If the man in front of him really is Gabriel, he should be able to see that same love in the archangel’s eyes. Instead, all he sees is fear. No, it’s not possible. That’s not Gabriel. Maybe someone revived his vessel, but that person is not Gabriel.

“No, no, that’s impossible. He…” Sam tries to deny, because if he says it out loud maybe it’s easier to believe that what he’s witnessing is just Asmodeus’ way to mess with his head “He’s dead. We… we saw him die.”

That’s not exactly correct. They didn’t see him die, _he_ did. They were already outside, driving away from the Elysian Fields, when Gabriel got killed. The archangel sacrificed himself in order to let them escape. He faked any residual affection towards Kali to fool Dean, so that the older Winchester wouldn’t find out about what was going on between Gabriel and Sam, and then he used the goddess as an excuse to let the brothers leave, to save them from Lucifer. He stalled, and then he got stabbed.

Sam still sees that scene in his nightmares. During the time he spent in the Cage, Lucifer showed him Gabriel’s death over and over again, just to torture him a little more, and it has been haunting Sam ever since. He’s seen Gabriel die a billion times. His grace exploding, his body lifeless, his wings scorched on the ground. And every time he sees the archangel’s death, it still hurts just like it did the first time.

“Or did you?” Ketch comments after Sam’s words, and now the hunter really doesn’t know what to think anymore.

Is it possible that what Lucifer showed him isn’t true? That Gabriel never really died? No, it’s not possible. After the Elysian Fields, he prayed to Gabriel all day, every day, until he jumped inside the Cage. Had he been alive, he would have answered his prayers. Unless… unless something – or some _one_ \- was preventing him from reaching Sam.

“What did you do to him?” Dean asks, and Sam is grateful for the question. He really needs to hear the answer, but he’s too bewildered to ask the question himself.

“Not me, Asmodeus,” Ketch replies. Sam doesn’t miss the way Gabriel flinches when the other man mentions the demon. 

Does it mean that it’s all real? That Gabriel is really there, in front of his eyes, and that someone had the power to reduce him in such a pitiful state? Sam feels rage starting to grow inside of him, because he can’t accept that someone has done something so awful to Gabriel and still is allowed to live. Asmodeus _has_ to die.

“The Prince was holding him prisoner, until I liberated the poor man” Ketch continues to say, probably hoping that his words are enough to put him in the Winchesters’ good graces. But he’s wrong. Oh, he’s _so_ wrong! He talks like a hero for rescuing Gabriel, but it only makes Sam hate him even more. And the reason doesn’t have anything to do with Ketch; it’s just because Sam feels guilty, because the archangel he loves has been alive the entire time, prisoner and probably tortured, and he wasn’t the one to save him. He didn’t even know he was somewhere in need of saving! So he hates Ketch for being there for Gabriel instead of him.

“And I understand you may need an archangel for a spell, perhaps.” Now Sam is furious. Is that all that Ketch cares about? Is that all he thinks they care about? Sam _loves_ Gabriel, he would never take his grace for the spell, not when the archangel already looks so weak, not after having experienced grace extraction himself and knowing how much it hurts. He would never do something like that to Gabriel! Lucifer is the one whose grace they need to get, he is the one who deserves it!

Gabriel looks defeated, and Sam really needs to stop staring at him. He needs to think about some way to reply to Ketch’s statement. So he nods a little, still not sure about what to say.

“Well, what luck” the British man speaks again, and Sam for a moment stops thinking.

“We need his grace” is what comes out of Sam’s mouth, and he doesn’t realize what he’s saying in time to stop himself from saying it. His entire thought is that they need an archangel’s grace, and an archangel is sitting right there in front of them, ready to be drained. It’s their golden opportunity, yet Dean or anyone else could only touch Gabriel over Sam’s dead body. There is no way he’s going to allow anyone to take Gabriel’s grace, even though they really need it. They’ll find another way, even though there is a pretty easy one just in front of them.

In Sam’s mind, it’s pretty clear that no-one will be able to harm Gabriel in any way. The problem is that what comes out of his mouth is pretty easy to misunderstand. At least, the archangel sure doesn’t understand that Sam only wants to protect him, ad he panics. The younger Winchester has never seen a creature as powerful as an archangel act like Gabriel is acting now. He’s staring at Sam in terror, a look of betrayal clouding his golden eyes, while he’s whimpering as loud as he can through the stitches that keep his mouth shut. He’s even trying to run away, and Sam would really like to punch himself for causing this reaction in the first place.

As soon as Gabriel starts panicking, something else even stranger happens. Something changes on Ketch’s face, he looks worried. With quick moves, he reaches for Gabriel and starts to soothe him, until the archangel calms down again. He’s still breathing heavily, but he’s staring at Ketch and trying to keep it together. This is enough to break Sam’s heart a little more. Gabriel trusts Ketch, probably more than he trusts Sam at the moment. He saw the betrayal in the archangel’s eyes when he said the wrong thing about Gabriel’s grace. There is no doubt, Gabriel knows who Sam and Dean are, and in that moment it looks like he’s choosing Ketch over them. Over _Sam_. And it hurts like hell.

“Nervy” Ketch says towards the brothers, obviously talking about Gabriel, and Sam hates him even more. The British man obviously doesn’t care about Gabriel, he only sees the archangel as a means to an end. Unconsciously, Sam is raising his gun again. He doesn’t even notice that his brother is doing the same. Good, if they both shoot they’ll scare Gabriel even more, but at least the problem by the name of Arthur Ketch will be no more. And God, Sam is definitely ready to shoot!

Ketch reaches inside his pocket, and both Winchesters are ready to shoot him now. If he takes out something dangerous, something that might hurt them or Gabriel, Sam will put a bullet between his eyes. What he takes out, however, is a vial containing what looks like angelic grace. He slowly points towards Gabriel, before depositing the vial on the table. That grace is brighter than any Sam has ever seen. Is it Gabriel’s? Has anyone already done something as terrible as extracting it from him? The younger Winchester really feels the need to murder someone for what has been done to the archangel. If he can’t have Asmodeus right now, Ketch will do. As long as Sam can prove he still can protect Gabriel from harm.

“Here. Take that, and…” Ketch is saying, and then he’s reaching for something else inside a back pocket. The object is shiny, and it looks like some kind of blade. However, it’s something that Sam has never seen before.

“The archangel blade” the man continues to say, and Sam’s heart skips a few beats. He stares at the blade with fear, because that weapon could kill Gabriel and the archangel’s safety is his top priority at the moment.

Both Sam and Dean are pretty surprised to see the so called gifts that Ketch has brought them, and the older Winchester seems ready to say something, but Sam can’t risk his brother talking first. He’s afraid that Dean, desperate to save mom, would put Gabriel’s life in danger. He still doesn’t know about Sam’s feelings towards the archangel, after all. Sam has always been very good at hiding them from his brother, only crying for Gabriel’s death when he was alone. So now of course he’s afraid that Dean might do something rash.

“Why would you…” Sam starts asking, but then he stops before he can finish his question. Of course, there is no need to ask Ketch why he’s doing this. The answer to that question is already forming in the hunter’s mind.

That is, of course, because there is no way that Ketch is giving them Gabriel, an archangel’s grace and the archangel blade out of the goodness of his heart. That man is ruthless, pure evil. There is no way he can feel compassion towards another living being. He’s obviously faking his concern towards Gabriel, because the only person Arthur Ketch cares about is Arthur Ketch. Sam is only waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ketch obviously wants something in return. Something big, considering how precious his gifts are – and Sam doesn’t care how precious the archangel grace and the archangel blade are, because for him Gabriel is the most precious gift in the universe.

“What’s the catch? What do you want?” Sam finally asks. This is what he really needs to know.

“Protection. From Asmodeus.” Ketch is quick to reply, and because of those words the younger Winchester hates him a little more. Why going to work for a monster such as Asmodeus, if he can’t stomach the job? Is the Prince of Hell treating him like crap? Well, that’s nothing more than what he deserves!

“The one you’re working for?” Dean asks, a little amount of sarcasm in the tone of his voice. Sam is grateful to his brother for understanding his dilemma. Good, Dean isn’t falling for this act either.

“ _Was_ working for. But when he finds out that I stole his prize milk cow, well, I imagine that he’ll hunt me to the ends of the Earth” Ketch explains, but Sam is still sure that he’s not telling the whole truth. There is _no way_ that he rescued Gabriel from his torturer just because he wanted to help the archangel! The younger Winchester is certain that there is something else the former Man of Letters is keeping from them.

“So… this is the only safe place I know” Ketch keeps talking, and Sam can only scoff at that.

“What, do you think you’re just gonna move in?” he asks. There is no way he is ever going to allow something like that to happen. And, from the look on Ketch’s face, the other man understands that too.

“Dibs on the top bunk?” Ketch tries with humor when everything else is failing. Oh no, not happening, Sam is going to make sure of it. Over. His. Dead. Body!

“No” Sam says, but at the same time Dean says the exact opposite: “Deal!”

Sam’s heart is jackrabbiting in his chest right about now, and he turns around to look at his brother with disbelief. “What?” he asks, feeling betrayed. Dean doesn’t know how much Sam cares about Gabriel, that is the reason why he’s accepting Ketch. The British man is providing them with a way to save mom and Jack, and that’s the only thing the older Winchester is thinking about. Sam is well aware of it. He wants to save mom and Jack too, he wants it badly, but not at the expense of Gabriel. He’s not willing to sacrifice the archangel he loves for anything in the world. Probably not even for Dean. Having Ketch around puts Gabriel in danger, and he won’t have it!

“I don’t know what the hell is going on here. But if this helps us get mom back, get Jack back, then… sure. Whatever you want” Dean says.

Sam is now glaring at his brother with killing intent in his eyes. He can’t be serious! They can’t trust Ketch! But how can he explain why he doesn’t want that man to move in with them? This is why Sam ends up sighing in defeat.

“Now that everything is good, I’m going to make myself at home” Ketch says, capturing Sam’s attention once again. With that he leaves the room, probably going to choose a bedroom for himself. He doesn’t spare a look at Gabriel, that is even more proof of the fact that he doesn’t care if the archangel lives or dies.

“I’ll get something to cut the stitches on Gabriel’s mouth,” Sam states towards his brother, and a moment later he’s walking towards the bathroom. He doesn’t realize his brother has followed him until he hears Dean speak.

“I know Ketch can’t be trusted, but we’ve worked with people we can’t trust before. Hell, we even worked with freaking Lucifer! We can handle Ketch” Dean tries to explain.

Sam kneels down to reach for a cabinet door that is located under the sink, and he starts rummaging inside it. He’s looking for a first aid kit, or at least the Winchester version of one. When his brother is done talking, Sam just snaps. Hell with the secrecy, that’s exactly what put him in this terrible situation in the first place!

“I’m not worried about what Ketch can do to us!” he says angrily, trying to keep the volume of his voice as low as possible “It’s Gabriel I’m worried about. I love him, Dean, I’ve been in love with him for years! We’ve been together in secret for _months_ after we first found out that he was an archangel, and when he died… God, it hurt so much. But now he’s back, and I need to protect him. Have you seen how broken he is? What Asmodeus has done to him? Dean, I can’t lose him again!”

The expression on Dean’s face is as hard as solid rock. There is no way for Sam to read his brother’s emotions, because he isn’t showing any. Is he mad at Sam for falling in love with yet another dangerous creature? Is he worried about his little brother’s heart? Is he thinking about murdering Ketch in his sleep? Is he thinking about getting rid of Gabriel in order to have his brother focusing again on the task of saving their mother?

After almost an entire minute of complete silence, without saying a single word Dean turns around and leaves. This is enough for Sam to start shaking. He only realizes that he’s crying when a few tears fall on the floor in front of him. Has telling Dean about his feelings for Gabriel been a mistake? Is his brother going to put the archangel in danger? Shaking his head, Sam tries to push these thoughts out of his mind. No, he can’t fall apart. He has to be stronger, he has to help Gabriel.

A few minutes later, Sam’s face doesn’t look like he’s been crying anymore. Only then he takes a deep breath and decides to approach Gabriel. His heart sinks a little deeper when the archangel flinches away from him, but he tries not to show how much this is hurting him. He doesn’t want to upset the broken archangel even more.

The two of them are alone in the war room, and that’s the only reason why Sam lets himself smile at the archangel. He tries to use his eyes to tell Gabriel how much he loves him, and he is pleasantly surprised when Gabriel looks up at him and his golden eyes brighten. Maybe the archangel remembers him after all, maybe he still cares about Sam. Maybe they can have a future together, once Gabriel has had enough time to heal. And, in that moment, Sam decides he’s not going to leave his side. He’ll be with Gabriel for as long as it takes, until the archangel feels safe again.

“Come with me, I’ll take care of those nasty stitches.” Sam tries to keep his voice as sweet as possible, so that Gabriel won’t be startled. He also extends his hand for the archangel to grab, and a couple of minutes pass before Gabriel finally takes it.

Sam helps Gabriel walk towards the library, feeling the archangel stumble with every step he’s taking. When they finally get there, he moves a chair and helps the archangel sit down at one of the tables. Slowly, Sam takes place in front of him and pulls out the instruments he needs in order to cut the stitches. Seeing Gabriel get spooked by the sight of the scalpel, he has to bite his tongue just to stop himself from cursing out loud.

Gabriel has always been mischievous, never going without sass and snarky comments. Now, the archangel sitting in front of him is a broken shell of his former self. Sam hates Asmodeus for turning his beloved sarcastic little shit into some scared rabbit. He can’t even start to imagine what Gabriel has been through in order to get like this. And all this time, he’s thought the archangel was dead. If only he’d known… he would have gone to hell and back to rescue him! We would have killed Asmodeus with his bare hands, if necessary!

Now, however, Gabriel is safe. He’s in the bunker, with him, and Sam is never going to let anything else happen to him.

With this thought in mind, he starts working on cutting the stitches. Gabriel looks even more afraid, maybe expecting Sam to start carving his flesh. The Prince of Hell has probably done that to him, judging by the wounds he can still see on the archangel’s face. Every time Sam cuts a stitch, Gabriel flinches a little, making him jolt as well.

“Gabriel… man, what happened to you?” he asks out loud, even though he knows there is not going to be an answer to his question. He’s halfway through removing the stitches, so Gabriel still can’t talk. And something tells him that he’s not going to say a word even after he finishes freeing his lips.

That’s when Dean walks inside the room, duffel bag on his shoulder and spell ingredients in his hands. Those are exactly what captures Sam’s attention, even before he hears his brother speak.

“Alright, let’s do this” Dean says, walking past Sam and Gabriel and going to deposit his stuff on the next table.

Sam can’t believe what he’s hearing. He puts down the scalpel and turns to look at Gabriel once again. The archangel seems lost, out of place. He can’t be left alone, and he is in no condition to travel with them to another dimension, especially one that is at war.

“Well, shouldn’t we… wait?” he tries to ask, hoping to make his brother change his mind. Is Dean mad at him because of his confession? Does he want to punish Sam for falling in love with Gabriel? He doesn’t even want to contemplate that option, but he has to.

“Wait? Why?” Dean replies, and Sam really doesn’t know what to say. What does it mean _why_? Hasn’t he seen Gabriel’s conditions? He starts to turn towards the archangel, to point out to his brother that the reason why they have to wait is sitting right there, when Dean starts talking again “We got everything we need, everything else is just burning daylight. Come on, let’s open this door!”

Sam takes a look at Gabriel, who’s staring at the table in silence. He looks uncomfortable, as if he’s feeling like a burden for the brothers. That, however, is not true. He will never be a burden for Sam. But the younger Winchester is conflicted at the moment, he doesn’t know what to do. Should he go with Dean, or should he stay with Gabriel? He gives himself a second to weight his options.

On the one hand there’s Gabriel, miraculously alive and absolutely in no condition to be left alone. Or, even worse, alone with Ketch. Even if they call Castiel immediately, there is no way the angel will be able to get there before they finish the spell, and Sam really doesn’t want to leave unless he sees that someone trustworthy is there to take care of Gabriel.

On the other hand, Dean is right. They’ve spent months trying to put together the ingredients for the spell, and now that everything is ready it would be stupid to waste more time. Mom and Jack are in a dimension at war, where people die like flies, and they need to be rescued. Sam has to get inside the portal with Dean, there is no way he’ll let his brother risk his life alone. Should anything happen to Dean, something that he could prevent but he’s not there to do it, he’ll never forgive himself.

For several moments, Sam keeps torturing himself. He has to make a choice, staying or going. Whatever option he chooses, someone he loves will be put in danger. He realizes, however, that as much Ketch can be a danger to Gabriel, the apocalyptic world where Dean is going is much worse. He can call Cas, tell him to get to the bunker as fast as he can, so that Gabriel won’t be alone with Ketch for long. Leaving the archangel pains him, but not as much as letting Dean down.

“Alright, I’ll gather my gear” he finally says, standing up from the chair he’s been sitting on.

“Uhm… hold on” Dean starts to say, and Sam doesn’t know where he’s going with this “I’m heading in alone.”

Sam freezes on the spot. What? Does Dean really want to get in there by himself? Is that his way of punishing Sam for falling in love with Gabriel? Leaving him behind while going to certain death alone? No, he can’t allow his brother to do something so stupid. They’ve been preparing for this for a long time. It’s something they have to do together. They owe it to both mom and Jack. Sam has to go as well.

“What?” he tries to ask, hoping his brother would change his mind.

“Look, we got a busted up archangel here. And who the hell knows what else! Okay? Somebody’s gotta stay here just in case.” As soon as Dean starts speaking, Sam understands what’s going on. Dean is not trying to go to his own death just to prove a point, he doesn’t want to punish him for falling in love with the archangel. He’s giving them a chance to be together! He’s letting Sam stay behind to take care of Gabriel, to protect the one he loves. He’s not trying to undermine their relationship, he’s accepting it!

After the way his brother has been acting, Sam has trouble grasping what’s happening. His affection for Dean is only growing, because his brother has once again given him a demonstration of how much he’s ready to sacrifice for him, because his little Sammy always comes first. Sam will never be grateful enough for everything his brother has done for him in the past and still keeps doing. This time, however, he can’t accept. Gabriel will still be there when they come back, but Dean might not come back at all if he goes alone.

“And I’m coming with you” Ketch says while entering the room, and Sam gets snapped out of his own thoughts. What’s worse than Ketch staying in the bunker alone with Gabriel for a few hours? Ketch going to war with Dean, of course! No, no way he’ll allow it! That man could turn on Dean any moment, come back alone and make it look like Dean was killed in the war that’s going on in the other dimension.

“As I said, Asmodeus will be hunting me to the ends of the Earth, so it’s better if I’m not on this Earth” Ketch justifies his decision, and it actually makes sense. If he really wants to stay away from Asmodeus, leaving their dimension might do the trick. Dean, however, will still be in danger.

“It’s not much better over there. You know it’s a war zone, right?” Sam tries to ask, even though he knows that the British man won’t change his mind. All he can still hope is for Dean to realize how stupid he’s being and to say that of course Sam can come along.

“Won’t be my first, shan’t be my last” Ketch keeps taking care of his own interests. Of course, because he’s Ketch. What leaves Sam really startled, however, is hearing Dean say “Fine.” It’s just a word, but it sounds as a conclusion for their argument. Even though the younger Winchester, of course, is not one to go down without a fight.

“Fine? So you want Ketch to go and not me?” Sam tries to argue once again, internally begging his brother not to make stupid decisions.

“I don’t care if he dies. Hell, I’m kind of rooting for it” Dean starts explaining his decision, but Sam doesn’t even want to listen.

“Still, you can’t-” he tries to interrupt, but Dean doesn’t let him.

“No, I have to. It takes something that’s been there before to open up the right door, so that’s either you or me. So I’m gonna go, and if something happens to me, if time runs out, then I need you to come and save me. And save mom, and save whoever else, okay?” Dean finishes his explanation. It makes total sense, but how can Sam let go? Every time he has accepted to leave someone behind, that someone has died. That’s how he lost Ellen and Jo, how he lost Gabriel all those years ago. He doesn’t want to lose this brother too.

“It’s safer if we go together!” Sam says, even though he’s the first one to understand his words are nothing more than pure bullshit. Dean is right, end of the story. He has to stay behind, take care of Gabriel, get his chance at a happy ending with the archangel. And then, if Dean is not back in 24 hours, he has to torture the one he loves for more grace and open up a new portal, to go save his brother himself.

“Oh, there’s no such thing as safer over there, you know that. I know you don’t like this, okay? I don’t expect you to. This is the way it’s gonna be.” After these words, Sam accepts Dean’s win.

He doesn’t dare turn around to look at Gabriel, who’s still sitting behind him. So eager to convince his brother not to get through the portal alone, for a moment he forgot the fact that Gabriel has been there the whole time, listening to the entire conversation. Is the archangel thinking that Sam wants to abandon him, to get away from him? He really hopes not. Getting through the portal with Dean has never been about Gabriel, but just about him and what he owes to the people he loves.

He doesn’t know what to say to Gabriel, so he doesn’t say anything. He just starts working on the spell to open the portal, and moments later he stares at the dimensional rift while his brother walks inside it, followed by Ketch. Now he’s alone with Gabriel inside the bunker. They’ll have up to 24 hours just for the two of them, there will be plenty of time for Sam to explain why he has just had that argument with Dean.

In the meantime, however, it’s time for him to really start taking care of Gabriel. The archangel needs him to be there, he needs him to be strong, and there is nothing in the world that might be able to stop him from doing exactly that.


End file.
